The Fear Of Failure
I see too many people in this world living a life they don't want to live. I don't mean that in a sense of wanting to die or being suicidal, but more so being alive without really living, going through the motions, a leaf floating in the wind-- you get the point. I have realized the point of my existence is to live the life I want to live, regardless of what other people say. I've been told countless times that I couldn't do something, or wouldn't be able to make a living doing that, and so on so forth. But the thing I noticed was all those people feeding me that negativity were the ones working jobs they hated, in unpassionate relationships, and lacked enthusiasm and drive with their lives in general. Their negativity was a reflection of what they never did, or were to scared to go through with, or an influence of their friends and family who told them the same thing.
I think the biggest limitation in this human race is failure. It's natural to want to avoid it, and there will always be some apprehension when it comes to the thought of failing. But we as people have become paralyzed by it. Failure is viewed so negatively by everyone that no one wants anything to do with it and avoids it at all costs. That's where the lack of living occurs in my eyes. If you spend your life reserved, avoiding failure at all cost, and try to ‘play it safe’ as they say, guess what? You are still gonna fail, maybe not terribly or often, but failure is inevitable-- as is death. And the result of living this type of life is just as I described above, a dull, unfulfilled, average life. There's been times where people have asked hospitalized folks moments before their time passed and they all said the same things. One was they wished they had the courage to live the life they wanted to live, not the one others expected out of them. Another was they wish they hadn't worked so hard-- now don't get this confused I am 100% for hard work, but the point of this statement was they wished they hadn't given so much to working for someone else, who didn't appreciate their effort, all while making a ‘get by’ salary and missing out on valuable time with their family. The final statement, and probably the most resonating out of them all, was they said they wished they let themselves be happier. Now, can you see the importance of this, they wish they LET THEMSELVES be happier. Happiness is a state of mind, it's a choice, regardless of what's going around externally, you can always choose to be happy and see the world from that perspective.
So if you can create your own happiness and have this positive mindset then why not do it and be successful with the life you want to live? This is where most people stop, or they say ‘oh well you just do it’. You guys know I’m all about my sayings, but in this case ‘easier said than done’ is quite applicable. Just because you can create your own happiness and control your positivity doesn’t mean it is easy to do-- especially consistently. But like anything, having this comes with consistently practicing it. Are you always going to be happy? Will you always be positive? Absolutely not. Death of a family member, flunking an exam, getting rejected will not create happiness or positivity.
If a family member or loved one passes away was that in your control? First off if you said yes you probably are not following any of what I’ve been saying before and are either in jail, about to be, or not reading this in the first place. So before I digress any further let’s assume that it was out of your control. You could find ways to blame yourself, or others, or ask what you could of done differently but the cruel reality is it was out of your hands, nothing you could have done about it. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t mourn, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t temporarily be upset or heartbroken by such an event. But you must realize in this life there are a few things, that no matter how hard you try, will always be completely out of your control. You must be aware that these moments of loss or failure, however painful or hurtful, are not defining point in your life. With such tragedies you need to learn to ‘let go’ of the pain and negativity associated with the event, that doesn’t mean you block it out or try to forget-- it means you let go of the negative emotions involved, and either deal with the negative responses rationally or in the case of losing a loved one remember all the positive memories and emotions you had with them-- that’s what they would want from you. Don’t get me wrong, these situations may rattle you, shock you, even throw you into depression, but you must respond to such adversities with ration and start working on the things you do have control of.
So what about failing a test or getting rejected? There are three options here, you either a) gave little to no effort b) gave some effort or c) give it your all and still fell on your face (hopefully figuratively). Now let me get the first two out of the way real quick. Anything less than your best effort doesn’t deserve an analysis, the answer is right there… You didn’t give it your all, so you shouldn’t be upset, angry, or trying to blame anyone else; your effort is ALWAYS in your control. What you should do is look at WHY you didn’t. Trust me there are some things out there that really aren’t worth your full effort but if they fall into that category most likely than not you SHOULDN’T be pursuing them in the first place.In my eyes effort doesn’t necessarily mean physical sweat or work, it just means you are fully aware of the situation, task, or relationship at hand and you do the best you can with the intentions of improving or progressing over time.
Alright so on to C, you gave it your all and still failed. This DOES HURT, trust me I know and it sort of ties in to my whole point in life which I will get to soon. You will feel helpless, let down, you will feel this loss of control, you’ll feel incapable, embarrassed, etc… I could go down a laundry list of thoughts and feelings that come from failing even when you gave it your all. Your initial response will be ‘I never want to experience that again’ or ‘well I’m never trying that again’. This is one of the core problems of our current mentality. We experience this failure and get so caught up in these negative emotions we fear ever doing it again. Some folks try again, some continue to try, but many still fail and the emotions and negativity only compiles because they never really addressed the root of the issue. Although continuing to try is brave and courageous is certainly a key for living the life you desire, something needs to happen in between the failure and trying again. All those negative emotions, don’t block them out. Emotions are temporary feelings caused by the failure; accept them. But while that’s happening you must approach the situation critically. Yes, you gave it your best shot, but there is always a different approach or variation that can be used. You ready for another, well not mine, but a very successful man’s quote? Thomas Edison once said “I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. If you really take that quote in you can understand why he obtained the success he did. I never gave up, never gave in, he didn’t even view failures as failures. That’s how strong his mentality was, that is how rational (what some people would deem crazy) he was, that’s how he accomplished what he did. Too many people who fail initially and have the balls (or lady balls) to try again end up doing the same thing they did the first time (which yes, is the definition of insanity). What you must do after any failure is look at it and analyze it, learn from it, grow from it… even get excited about the next opportunity because you are aware of what you can do differently and how you can improve. And yes, you may still fail time and time again…. But just remember if Edison can find 10,000 ways that didn’t work, so can you and I’d bank to say most of you won’t need to reach that number in order to achieve your goals. So yeah, you failed a test, or got rejected by the ‘girl (guy) or your dreams’ and it may hurt, but it’s only a real failure if you get so caught up in your own negativity, emotions, and self-demise that you don’t learn anything from it.
Let me take a step back and address one of my favorite responses: ‘it’s all good man I didn’t even care’, or ‘if I tried harder I would of got it’ when it comes to finding an excuse for a failure. First off if you need to find an excuse for a failure, based on what I’ve already wrote, that’s a problem in itself. Secondly, why weren’t you giving it your all in the first place? You are telling me that if you try harder next time you’ll get it, which is fine and all; but almost 95% of the time this way of thinking never actually leads to full effort. Just them continuing to say ‘I wasn’t trying’ ‘I wasn’t trying’ until they stop attempting all together. Remember folks the key here is to address the issue AND IMPLEMENT ACTION. If you weren’t trying yes that is the problem, the bigger problem is you have addressed it, become aware of it, and have not taken any action to improve from it.
After this it has become more clear why we do our best to avoid failure. Not only does it hurt, not only do other people view it negatively, but it is damn hard to take action afterwards. This type of thinking must be turned around. I think we should start viewing failures as experiences that we gather positive energy and motivation to learn what we could have done better, which is the point of progressing. So many people let these failures collect, let them resonate, they don’t learn from them, they don’t try to change, and eventually they just give in and settle for whatever position they are in. That is the figurative suicide of life, and it is also the ultimate paradigm. We as humans crave success, we crave knowledge and we crave learning, we crave to be the best damn version of ourselves; but too often our intense fear of failure surpasses these cravings and we give in, we submit to whatever we can get while staying away from the negativity involved with failing.
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